How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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