"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
