Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
