Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
