Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
