I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
