I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
