i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
