He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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