Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
