So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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