The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I supernannyed him into submission
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
