yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Found the puke drawer
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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