it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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