ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
