hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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