dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
