All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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