Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
