I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
