I've blown a few things in my day
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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