Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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