this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My feet surprised me
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