I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
