1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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