You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
