Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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