So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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