After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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