ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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