the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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