it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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