Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
