you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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