I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
