I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
