someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When did angry sex become our thing?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
