You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
