dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
