and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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