I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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