Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
