actually, I'm a sock model
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
