My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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