she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
bring money and cleavage
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
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When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
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strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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