and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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