my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
