Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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