He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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