Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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