You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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