Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
