I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
vagina is talking i cant
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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