he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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