Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm gonna have a badass scar
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize