I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
