My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
