White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
