I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
