Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
