We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
