This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
