I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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