I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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