the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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