He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
