Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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