why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
