ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
