i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
