So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
