If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
