How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
