She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
