Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
