today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
