actually, I'm a sock model
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
