my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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